Sunday, April 30, 2006

Stephen Colbert

I haven't seen this yet but it looks like Stephen Colbert made quite an appearance at the correspondents dinner last night.

Here is a quote from his appearance: "But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction."

Saturday, April 29, 2006

New Neil Young

If you have been on the internets recently you have probably seen that Neil Young has a new album coming out. This whacked out Canadian rock star has decided that he hates America and wants the president beaten up so he recorded a few songs. Hey, I stuck with Neil through that horrible period of "Let's Roll" so allow me to enjoy this moment.

I listened to the album a couple of times yesterday and loved it. It's the first real rockin' electric album he has put out since 1996. Happy day for me. Neil Young is pissed off and playing his electric guitar. What more could you want?

The album is a lot more than "Impeach the President." It's a killer song but the stream forces you to listen to the album from beginning to end and it has a good flow to it. It's much more than just an anti-Bush album. It's a piece of work that questions the world at large. A violent world, a world that somehow equates a large wasteful car with success, a world where a vacuous disingenous empty headed lying piece of shit like George Bush can become president twice.

I didn't buy "Prairie Wind" but I wil be buying "Living with War."

Friday, April 28, 2006

Such a wise and noble president we have

OK, maybe you're tired of the Bush stuff but this is just too much to not print: "I think the national anthem ought to be sung in English, and I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English and they ought to learn to sing the national anthem in English." Does he even think before he talks, at all?

Thursday, April 27, 2006


I just found out my mom reads this thing now and then. Now and then? You'd think your mom would read your friggin' blog every day. Maybe not. If I was a mom I would read my son's blog every day. Believe that.

The real question is since my mom reads this blog and I think a couple of the kids from my teen reading group read it now and then should I stop using words like "shit" and "biatch" and the "F word?" See, already I am saying "F word" instead of fuck. That's bullshit. I should be stronger than that.

Neil Young

Don't forget that you can stream Neil Young's new album on his website starting tomorrow. Impeach the president, indeed.

If you get a chance check out this Fox "News" video here where Cavuto implies that Neil Young's new album is about how bad a place America is. I still can't believe these fucks are allowed to call themselves a news network. That comment is a deliberate lie.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

A whale says thank you?

How cool is this?
What to do when a good book gets bad at the end?

Well, not bad but disappointing. I hate to be a negative nelly but I finished "A Dirty Job" by Christopher Moore last week and loved, loved, loved the book up until the last few pages. It always bugs me when a story's mystery is so obvious to everyone except the characters in the book. Isn't there a term out there for the contrived ignorance of characters? I think it's used mostly when discussing bad movies. I guess you might say that's being too picky for a book that is supposed to be humorous but it did have a dark serious side and I think he bunted when he could have hit one out of the park.

On a positive note "A Dirty Job" was a pleasant and very funny read. Moore can create some of the best characters and gives them wonderful dialogue. When he nails it he reminds me of Heinlein. Most people don't know but, when he wanted to, Heinlein could write some great comedic dialogue. It's all about pacing and timing and they both gots it.

I know I've linked to it before but Moore has a nice website and updates his blog on a regular basis. If you enjoy his writing his blog can be a lot of fun.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Joe Haldeman quote from his blog/discussion board

"If you're 12 years old, you've spent half your days on earth with George W.
Bush as the head authority figure in your life."

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Cute, so cute, so very, very cute.

If you want to see overly cute pictures of all kinds of pets go here.
Life goal #2343433

My goal is to be able to fake a heart attack so well and do it so often that when it does happen people will stand around and watch me die and for the next week it will cause a national uproar concerning the callousness of the American people.
What we did at night before the internets

When I first moved to Charlotte I loved talk radio. I used to listen to the Larry King late night show when I could. I still listen to talke radio, mostly news on NPR and interview shows like Diane Rehm now. I got here in 1990 and after a while I started listening to Henry Boggan on WBT. He was on from 8 pm to 11 pm Monday through Friday on WBT radio in Charlotte. Henry died this morning of a heart attack. I was a pretty consistant listener of Henry's for a few years. My buddy Wendell was Henry's sidekick for a while. I can never remember if I listened to Henry before I met Wendell or not but after a while I was hooked on Henry's show. I can't say much more than what's being said in the two obituaries I linked to. His show was like hanging out with a gregarious neighbor who laughed at your bad jokes and was patient enough to humor the tin foil hat wearing whack job that lived at the end of the cul-de-sac where the street light is always burnt out. He created a community of people who never saw each other. He was myspace before myspace was cool.

I got to meet him once on a bus trip to a Panthers game during their first season when they played in Clemson. He was a lot of fun to be around and when you made him laugh he laughed with his whole body. He had the biggest, warmest laugh I've ever heard. There are a lot of sad people up and down the east coast today and I'm one of them.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


I was going to write a piece of sarcasm about wanting to eat your baby's placenta but I decided not too. Making fun of Tom Cruise is like being in grade school and making fun of the fat kid from the poor family. Too easy.

Speaking of being poor. I remember being in first grade and living in a trailer south of Traverse City, MI with my mom and my younger sister. It was the couple of year period between my alcoholic adopted father and my alcoholic step father in my mother's life.

In this particular incident my mother had bought me a pair of sneakers at some point during the school year. We were in the gym participating in some kind of activity that involved individual tugs of war. Two students would grab a rag and pull on it until one of them crossed a line on the floor. When that happened the other kid won and got a point for his team. The class was divided into two teams. Those are all the rules I remember.

When it was my turn I was paired up with this girl in the class who wore the same dress to school every day and always had her hair in two pony tails. I remember the dress being a blue and white checkered pattern. Something like Laura Ingalls would wear. She is the only classmate from that year I can picture in my head. I don't have many memories of kids from the first five years of school because I went to five schools in those first five years. She must have been striking if I can picture her. She was taller than almost everyone in class except me. She was also the fastest girl and faster than most of the boys. I bet she grew up to be about six feet tall and an avid hiker and probably has driven a jeep for much of her life.

We both grabbed the rag and pulled and I was ready for a dog fight. I was a little anxious to be paired up with her because I knew she would put up a fight. It turned out to be a rout. I planted my feet, leaned back and the soles of the shoes were unable to find any purchase on the gym floor. She pulled me over the line like I was on skates. Everybody laughed and when I got home I remember being very insistant with my mother in telling her that I needed new and better shoes. I was just horrified by the idea of going to school with those subpar shoes again. Kids laughing at me? This will not stand. You know how insistant kids can be. I may have even cried. In fact, I think I was almost hysterical. I remember she got me new and better shoes. At what cost to a single mother getting by in a trailer in northern Michigan I'll never know. All I know is that those little bastards didn't laugh at me again. I didn't get laughed at again until I transferred from the Catholic school to the public school in the middle of my 7th grade year. That was a pretty good run.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Writer reads writings

So you say you like quality science fiction? And you also say you enjoy books on tape? How about the SF writer James Patrick Kelly reading his work aloud and offering it free on the internets?

Saturday, April 15, 2006

What does Mojo Nixon miss about playing live?

The thing I miss is the physical chaos of the shows and the interaction. But we're doing it again tonight (in Austin), and if we stay alive, we'll make it to Houston. Well, we have to get through Dallas (for a Friday show) first, and there are a lot of mean people in Dallas. Everyone in Dallas is mad because they're not in L.A."
Neil Young: America Hater

Thank god Neil Young has come into the America hating camp. It looks like he has recorded a new album in just a short period of time. It's going to be an electric album and it's going to be anti-Bush. I can't wait. I just hope it comes out and doesn't turn into one of those lost albums people like him are a capable of making.

Here is the word straight from Neil's website: "I just finished a new record
a power trio with trumpet and 100 voices
recorded earlier this month
i think this is a metal version of Phil Oachs and Bob Dylan metal folk protest?

its called living with war
the title song is the second of 10 songs on this record
we will be releasing lyrics on this ticker

i would like to thank Warner /Reprise for the support
as well as the 100 vocalists ands my 3 musicians chad rick and tommy brea trumpte
and Niko Bolas larry Johnson John Nowlands, Tim milligan Darrell
Brown and rosemary butler redwood digital stufios capital records."

As always, may god continue to bless George Bush.

Friday, April 14, 2006


I believe it was Kurt Vonnegut during his appearance on the Daily Show that said the stupidest person in the current administration is not president Bush but Donald Rumsfeld. I wonder how so many America haters were allowed to get so high in the military command. It must be Clinton's fault.
Adventures in ass-headedness

Yesterday while driving around during lunch my hand slip off my steering and smacked into my turn signal. I hit it so hard I almost snapped the plastic handle off the steering column. When I got off work at nine my battery was deader than a doornail. I looked down at my turn signal and the headlight switch was on. I must have turned it when my hit hit the turn signal.

I was able to flag down William and he agreed to give me a push so I could pop my clutch and drive off. We did it twice and the car wouldn't catch. William looked to be about to have a heart attack so he agreed to drive me home. All of this could have been avoided if I had a set of jumper cables.

A friend at work agreed to ask around today to see if anyone had set of jumper cables. Someone did and I walked the couple of miles to work this morning and we jump started my car. I took the long way to Pep Boys so I could charge up the battery. I arrived at Pep Boys, checked the battery charge, saw it was good and then walked inside and bought set of jumper cables for $12.99. I should have done that a year ago.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Catching up

I watched the last 2/3 of "How to Marry a millionaire" over the weekend by accident. Marilyn Monroe was really funny. All that and funny too.

The last two Southpark episodes have been priceless. Give these guys a cause and they'll make you laugh for days.

I am totally hooked on the new Sopranos season. It's the shortest hour of my week. I didn't realize that the writer that is Christopher's friend is the older brother from the show "Wings." I liked Wings. Good for him.

I am tearing through Christopher Moore's new book called "A Dirty Job". The guy just keeps getting better. Imagine if John Steinbeck decided to write funny horror novels and you'd be close to what Moore is doing.

Before I started on the Moore book I read "Burn" by James Patrick Kelly. You know you just read a great science fiction book when you can't really describe it without giving everything away. It takes place on a planet that has been purchased by a man who wants to create a society that is based on the philosophy of Henry David Thoreau. It's all about nature and what it is. Our relationship to it, what it means to be human, the concept of "home." Stuff like that.

Chris brought over a Bob Marley concert DVD last night. It's a concert from 1977 in London. Holy underwear, was it great. The drummer in that band was awesome.

Monday, April 10, 2006

George Bush still sucks

Concerning Seymour Hersh's story about Iran and our shitty president, Joshua Marshall hits the nail on the pinhead: "if true, it suggests that our nation's fate is again in the grip of George W. Bush's grandiosity. And if so, no eventuality is too far-fetched. Nothing can be ruled out."
Hate filled ho

It's really sad such a hate-filled and deceiving person is so popular. It's also sad that those who read her books either don't know or care that they are being lied to page after page.

You know what also drives me crazy about this ass? It's that she is sometimes compared to Al Franken just because they are on opposite sides of the political spectrum and both attempt to write humor. First of all Franken is hilarious. I mean laugh outloud funny. I've read a couple of his books. Coulter is not funny unless, of course, you consider blatantly biased exaggerations funny. I don't. Franken has extensive citations at the end of his books that support what he says and most of his humor comes from creative jibes, perfect comedica pacing and pricesless personal stories, not exaggerations. At the end of Coulter's books you have blank pages. Pages as valuable to her arguments as the rest of the book. If this dolt was on my side I would disown her immediately. I guess it's indicative of the current conservative mindset that such a person like her carries so much weight. Her vilification is long overdue.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

What would Jesus do?

"Hersh claims that one of the plans, presented to the White House by the Pentagon, entails the use of a bunker-buster tactical nuclear weapon, such as the B61-11, against underground nuclear sites. One alleged target is Iran's main centrifuge plant, at Natanz, 200 miles south of Teheran."

If this is true then Bush should be run out of office immediately. It's amazing that this clown, who claims to be a serious Christian, would even consider a nuclear option. It's bad enough that we even have one of these things let alone even considering using one. Is anyone still not convinced that this guy is not the most dangerous person in the world?

Friday, April 07, 2006

On the way to golf

Oh yeah, while driving to the golf course yesterday we got caught up in George Bush traffic. He was over at CPCC lying his ass off. There were cops everywhere, I guess they complete shut down Billy Graham Parkway. It's bad enough this guy is running our country into the toilet but now he has to come to my home and personally wreck my golf outing? Is it really necessary to protect the president this much? Sure, being president can be dangerous. There is always the threat of assassination but is it so much of a threat that you have to cripple a city's traffic for a day for such a buffoon? Let him take a chance now and then. Perhaps a little danger will wake up his obviously deadened mind.

At least bubble boy allowed an American citizen to actually challenge him on his presidency for once. How isolated is this guy that when an American citizen is allowed to critcize him to his face that it makes national news? Pretty sad.

Today, once again, Chris and I hit the links. Just like last week we went to Revolution golf course on the west side of town. Also, just like last week, we ended up playing with a fella who had shown up by himself. Each time the golfer asked us to allow him to join us. I guess no one likes to play alone. That's an aspect of golf I had not anticipated. It's nice, meeting new people like that. Buddying up for a couple of hours, sharing laughs, groans and a little bit of golf rage. Today, Derrick, our new golf buddy, hit a nice approach shot on a par five that went a little right and didn't take a favorable bounce. Or, as he put it, "Ah, it hit the fucking cart path!"

I've been having trouble hitting with my driver. I'm not getting any elevation from it and hitting a lot of low line drives. When I do get some elevation, I usually have a bad slice. A slice, for a left hander, means that it looks good coming off the tee and then it turns left like an Air America host. When I get some good power behind a tee shot and the slice comes in the ball can literally travel fifty plus yards the wrong way. If I'm not careful I could kill somebody.

On the last hole I switched to my five wood which I haven't used at all. The five wood gives you more elevation than the driver does. You sacrfice some distance but I don't get much distance from my driver anyway. My shot went straight and true. I might use that club more often on shorter par fours now. It couldn't hurt. There is less danger to other golfers when I use the five wood. Of course I pooched my approach shot but that was bound to happen.

Speaking of killing someone with a golf shot. I was trying to lob a ball onto a green today and didn't far enough under the ball and hit a line drive toward the green. Standing on the green were Derrick and Chris. Chris was safe but that ball was heading straight toward Derrick's melon. He moved out of the way but, for a second, I was afraid I was going to bean the poor guy.

Here's a picture of Chris hitting his approach shot on hole three. It's not the best sports photograph ever but you can see the ball and that's magic in my book.

One more thing

I started a Youtube account. You know, that new video server that's all the rage. You can access it here. It's a fun website. It's a nice way to share your shitty digital camera videos.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

David Childers Testifies

He's a local musician. Some people affectionately call him reverend: "In my own life, as I said, I had to reject a lot of things I was taught about the races. My own parents were less racist than most, but they were still racist, and opposed to the idea of too much racial mixing. Still, I saw them stand up for a strange kind of equality and justice that was about as far as most southern whites were willing to go."
Big News

I'm pregnant. No, not really. The actual big news is that Mojo Nixon is coming out of retirement in order to help raise awareness of Kinky Friedman's run for the Texas Governership. Please god, let there be bootlegs. Here's what Mojo has to say about his upcoming comeback: “Anger is a great motivator. When I heard someone call Kinky’s run for Governor a joke it really pissed me off. Kinky is a not a joke. Kinky is a humorist. The Republicans and Democrats are the joke. I’m sick and tired of people not having a real choice. Kinky Friedman is the last great Lone Star in a sea of mendacity.”
Opening day again

The other night Chris came by to hang out for a while. We had initially planed to watch the NCAA championship game. Since we didn't really care about either team and the game was a blow out early, we ended up watching baseball on ESPN instead. We watched the early portion of the A's-Yankees game until Alex Rodriguez drove a Barry Zito hanging curveball into the stands with the bases loaded. That made the game 7-0 in the top of the second. It was fun up until then. The Yankees didn't hit a ball more than 180 feet until Rodriguez's monster shot.

It was nice to sit at home last night with the windows open and a cool early spring breeze putting a little chill in the room while baseball was being played on the TV. I don't follow the game like I used to but it still feels good when it rolls around again.

I saw Barry Bonds caught a lot of grief from the fans in San Diego. Ole Barry is in for a shit storm this year. Just wait until he gets to Philadelphia or L.A. I really wish he would quit and leave Hank Aaron's record alone. He and those other robots already ruined the single season record why destroy a record achieved by one of baseball's true heroes?

Monday, April 03, 2006

Over Sentimental Opening Day of Baseball Essay

The crack of the ball on the bat, the slap of the ball into a soft leather mitt. No, it's not a Saturday evening in your master's dungeon, these are the sounds of the opening day of baseball. The players may be new. Names like Johnson, Smith and Jones. But the old names are there, they are always there. Names like Johnson, Smith and Jones. For baseball is a game of renewal, of hope. Each opening day every team shares first place for a brief period. Even the most lowly team gets a view from the top for a day or so. In the early days of the season batting averages and ERA's can reach unheard of heights and for a short while even the most lowly unenhanced second baseman can dream of the king kong heights of the monstrous steroidal freak.

Baseball is also of the past. In this game we hold onto a pastoral past of peace and harmony. In a time when there were no wars or racial strife or horrible, horrible presidents with their heads crammed up their asses. Yes, the good old days. Days of black and white photographs and public restrooms. Days when your lesbian aunt Gladys was forced to marry your abusive alcoholic Uncle Tony. The ball was white and Mickey Mantle's whiskey was brown. The sky was blue and so were America's balls.

We all bring something to the game. We all have early memories that we cherish. Memories like playing catch with your dad or being forced to be the catcher for the perverted farmer across the street. Whatever the case, baseball has been there for us. Maybe after that encounter with the farmer there was only one position you could play later that day in the field behind your friend's house. That position would have been catcher since it requires very little moving around. What other sport offers such a position. That day baseball saved you a lot of embarrassment.

So, to celebrate baseball's first day of 2006. Don't sit in front of your television all day watching ESPN's opening day marathon. Take at least five minutes and go outside and find someone to play catch with, you fat bastard.
Smelly car guy

Smelly car guy was here again today. Luckily to the two new kids took turns helping the little weirdo. One day I would like to test his will and see how long he would actually stand at that desk asking for pictures of cars from the future if we indulged him. Would he eventually run out of cars to look at? Would he stay until he passed out from hunger? Would he be like one of those Korean computer gamers and stand there until he died? There is only one way to find out.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

George Bush is still an asshole

From David Brin's Blog: "Far from being a matter of left versus right, what we are seeing today is a renewal of the same battle fought by Franklin, Washington, Lincoln, Marshall and every other great American hero. Every generation of American heroes. A battle pitting the new maturity of accountability, pragmatic self-improvement and rambunctious citizenship against the endlessly recycled power-rationalizations that served tyrants of every stripe. An age-old reflex that's the real enemy of freedom, still calling to us from Egypt and Ur. From the caves. From our genes."