What would a new year be without predictions? Here is a list of things that will happen in 2006. All of these predeictions are guaranteed so go ahead and bet as much money as you can on these prescient proclamations.
1) The Simpsons will continue only making me smile. Laughs and hysterics are in the past.
2) 42short will return and will use his shift key just to shake things up.
3) Munich will win an Oscar for best picture.
4) I will win my fantasy football league next year.
5) Mark Martin will not complete the 2006 season with Roush Racing.
6) I will go to Darlington again.
7) I will continue to wear boxer briefs.
8) Jesus will not return although the virgin Mary will still continue to appear in mold, fading paint and rock formations.
9) John Paul II will be sainted and then eaten.
10) Bob Dylan will continue touring.
11) Wendell will go see Lenny Federal at the Comet Grill at least 25 times.
12) I will pinch your bottom if you ask.
13) Flying saucers will continue to appear only before the stupid.
14) I will read thirty books (more of a resolution).
15) George Bush will resign in disgrace and fucking Cheney will go with him.