Friday, June 04, 2004

Jinxed by James

Today was my day off for working last Sunday. I usually spend my Fridays sleeping in and then going to Hugo's for breakfast and then running a few errands and then blowing money I shouldn't on a DVD or a CD. I should be buying clothes for work. At the very least another belt but today the season one Rocky and Bullwinkle DVD won out over any practical purchase I should make. Man, that Rocky and Bullwinkle stuff is funny as hell. Like a good Looney Toons short Rocky and Bullwinkle is funny for kids and adults. Hell, I just watched episode two and the leader of the Moon Men was based on Winston Churchill. How can you not love that? Fractured Fairy Tales? Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman? Dudley Does Right? It's a laugh riot, dahlink.

How was I jinxed by James? He had that post the other day about how he almost got whacked while riding his bike. Today while tooling around town I had about three close calls. Only one was my fault. I was trying to turn left onto Tremont off of South Blvd at 1 in the afternoon. Not a good idea. It's no a curve and if some dickface in a big SUV is in the left lane you can't see the right lane all that well. I found that out the hard way. There wasn't a car there but when I got into the middle of the intersection I realized that before I pulled out a lot of the road was blocked from my view. If there had been a car there...kersplat! It's hard to drive for about 30 seconds after you just pulled a bonehead move while behind the wheel. Then someone pulls out in front of you and you go back into combat mode. Is that what's it's like in combat when a grenade goes off next to you and you somehow survive unharmed? Is there a thirty second period where you count your fingers and touch your forehead and think, "Holy Jesus Humper, I almost bit it." Then you realize there could be another grenade on its way and you get on your belly and crawl for cover. That's right, goddammit, driving in Charlotte is combat. It's mano y mano or, as I know it, Civic y Navigator.

Someone told me about a recent SUV commercial where an SUV driver taunts a sports car into a race. The sports tears off and is then pulled over by a cop that was hidden by the SUV. That's not funny, that's the danger I deal with every day on these streets. Just because trial lawyers have small dicks I gotta dodge Hummer 2's. It ain't right.

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