Tuesday, August 12, 2003

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe

I'm a lighter loser. If I have a lighter I can't keep track of it. Very rarely do I keep a lighter long enough for its fluid to actually run out. I prefer transparent lighters so you can see the progress of the lighter fluid. The closer it gets to the bottom the more excited I get and the more attached I get to the lighter. It's like the retirement of an athlete whose career you followed; you want to be there at the end so you can savor his accomplishments.

Today my clear plastic lighter, which I think I may have stolen from Wendell, died. I had hope it would last until tomorrow so I could buy a replacement on a convenient trip to the store. Now I am forced into borrowing Wendell's current lighter and he's being very careful in ensuring that I do not walk off with it.

Did you ever have a lighter last so long that it starts to become special? You start to associate yourself with it. It becomes yours. You start to think that maybe I found that magic lighter, the one that lasts forever. Fantasies start to jump into your brain. Maybe you'll never have to buy another lighter for the rest of your life. Perhaps this lighter actually works underwater. I bet this is even the type of lighter they use on the space shuttle. I bet this is the very lighter that Chuck Yeager used to find his car keys when he dropped them while attempting to drunkenly open his car door back when he was a stud test pilot.

Nah, it's just a lighter and it's going to expire and leave you lighting paper with a stove burner because you are home alone and the only matches available are cheap ones you can get free at a titty bar.

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