Wednesday, May 21, 2003

My second alcoholic friend

There was a guy I knew when I was stationed in Okinawa. His name was Michael Edwards. He was the unofficial leader of the non-rates in our platoon. He's one of those guys that brings people together. If you hear about racial harmony in the armed forces, you are hearing hogwash. One of the few times it actually occurred was in the first six months of my duty in Okinawa and it was directly due to the infulence of Edwards. He got along with everyone and we all used him as a bridge to connect.

One of the ways in which he brought people together was by getting everybody drunk. I was told when I arrived in Okinawa that I would become one of three things: a Jesus freak, a fitness screw job or a drunk. They left out one option: getting off base and meeting people.

I once witnessed Edwards give a rendition of his famous seven reasons to drunk every day of the week. It went like this:

Friday: It's the beginning of the weekend! You don't have to be up early for two days. It's time to start drinking.
Saturday: It's Saturday, you're just simply supposed to get drunk.
Sunday: It's still the weekend and what do you do on weekends? That's right, get drunk.
Monday: Mondays suck so you might as well get drunk.
Tuesday: The day after Monday, it's still fucking early in the week you might as well drink.
Wednesday: Hump day! The weekend is in sight so have a drink to celebrate.
Thursday: The day before Friday. Hell at midnight it will be Friday! Time to drink.
Friday: Start over.

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