Monday, December 30, 2002

Let's bitch about work

Ok, not actually work but people. In telephone reference we get calls from people who are lazy. We are talking deep-fried-twinkies ass-groove-television-devouring take-the-three-kids-from-three-different-men-to-McDonald's laziness. These are the people that use the library for videos only. Nothing wrong with that, it's a service we offer but I maintain my right to look down my nose at their ilk. You've seen them, they show up with their three kids, all under four years old, and check out the maximum number of videos three times a week. I just talked to one of these slugs on the phone a few minutes ago and it was painful. From the tone of her voice it was difficult for her to summon forth enough energy to even talk on the phone. I think as I was looking up these ten videos she rattled off to me that she was struggling to stay awake. She was either attempting to maintain consciousness or very distracted by the television blaring in the background. Hey, lady, these videos are for your enjoyment so try and act interested as you inquire about their availability. It was a chore for her to tear herself away from her television long enough to see if we had more movies for her to devour. Soon it will become so tiring that she will only be able to muster up enough energy to open one eye and watch static on her television screen, her shirt covered in drool and her three kids dead from starvation.

Where I can watch her waltz for free

Yesterday Wendell returned from his parents home in Statesville, NC with a Christmas gift from his brother that he was very happy to receive. It was the DVD version of the film The Last Waltz. I don't know how many of the regular readers of this here blog are familiar with this movie and the musicians involved but it is a great snapshot of what was good about popular music in the mid-seventies. I saw this movie a few years ago and it's features the first film footage I have ever seen of Muddy Waters. That reminds me, now that I have a DVD player I need to find some Muddy Waters live stuff. Oh, Amazon....

The movie is a document of the last concert by the group called the Band. They started out backing up a singer called Ronnie Hawkins, spent some time playing behind Bob and finished up as a highly-respected touring and recording band. Once again the magic of DVD's enriched my life last night. There was a bonus scene included. It was a jam after the concert had ended. The jam featured Ringo, Dr. John, Neil Young, Eric Clapton, Stephen Stills, Ron Wood and a few other luminaries. It's a nice slow blues jam based on a nice beat put down by Ringo. It's a lot of soloing and smiling. It reminded me of more than a few nights at the Double Door and the Comet Grill with local musicians. A nice jam can be fun to watch. After about ten minutes the film ran out and the audio track kept playing and after a few minutes that faded out also. Initially I was disappointed that they didn't get film the whole jam but the quick jump to black with the audio playing seemed to be fitting since it was the music that mattered.

Religious discourse for those that ain't religious?

Who knew you could do such a thing? I haven't loooked too deeply into this site yet but it sounds interesting: Killing the Buddha.

Sunday, December 29, 2002

Today's Main Library Second Floor Men's Room Aroma: Shit-covered candy cane cooked in a microwave for two minutes.

Finally! The proof is in!

Everyone who drives an SUV is an evil selfish fuck! The debate is over.

Want to go SUV hunting? Sounds like fun but it could be a good way to get your ass kicked. Maybe the SUV ticket is a safer route to take.

Saturday, December 28, 2002

Do you bounce when you hit?

If you are like me you have wondered just what exactly is the average speed of terminal velocity for a plummeting human?
Back in the friendly confines

Yes, I did have a good time on vacation. Thank you for asking. What did I do? Cleaned, slept, read, played on computer and went to a couple of live shows.

Today's Main Library Second Floor Men's Room Aroma: Envision a pair of underwear worn for 27 straight days and then stored overnight in a heating vent. That is the aroma I was assaulted by as I tinkled.

Friday, December 27, 2002

As the sun went down and the music did play

Tom wrote about a time he went to an Iggy Pop concert all tore up. I learned early on not to go to concerts all tore up at my second concert back in 1986. It was the spring I was waiting to graduate high school and head on to boot camp. A few friends and I went and saw ZZTop at an outdoor venue in northern Michigan. First of all, nobody, but nobody ever tours in northern Michigan. An appearance by ZZTop in the mid eighties was a big goddamn deal. Since I was only eighteen and my friends and I didn't have a connection we were alcohol free. As we were walking into the venue there was a big leather-clad biker dude passed out in the grass. I thought it was senseless to pay all that money and miss the show and I have always attempted to never get so tore up at a show that I miss it. I don't count that time I saw Paul Rodgers and Steve Miller about six years ago because that show sucked balls and there was really nothing else to do. I believe that was the night at the evil Blockbuster Pavillion when the lady at the beer stand asked to see my ID and I couldn't find it. It was in my wallet but I couldn't see it. She told me I had had enough and I had to agree with her and slunk silently away. That was the same night that my friend, Jeff, wanted to wrestle and he almost broke my back.

Wednesday, December 25, 2002

Fill up the hate hump

Like we actually needed another reason to hate Wal-Mart.

Confession time: I bought my DVD player at Wal-Mart. Chris was Christmas shopping and it was an impulse buy. Big Ed: part of the problem for the last 34 years.

Tuesday, December 24, 2002

OK, I'm over it

Like, wow, a DVD player. You know after a few days you realize that you are watching the same old movies and the only difference is that they are louder.

I may be prejudiced because it's my new toy but I swear my audio CD's sound better in that thing than on my other CD player. If a CD can possibly sound crisper then these do. Could Neil Young actually have been right about earlier CD technology?

Stalking with your blog

I figure, since google searches the text of blogs, you could, conceivably stalk someone via your blog. If you are a competent stalker you should be able to discover the general interests and internet surfing habits of your prey. You could then write up a false blog that discusses all the topics of your stalkee. You include an email address somewhere in the template of your blog and when that person contacts you, you befriend them via email and chatting and then you entice them to meet you across the state line. One more missing person and your carnal lusts are satisfied. Let me know if you use this idea and it works.

Saturday, December 21, 2002

Joining the 21st century

I bought me a DVD player yesterday. I don't know how I survived without one all these years. Having a DVD player is right up there with having an ATM card. Life before it seems primitive. If you do not own a DVD player your are not really living. You are merely existing and just sitting around waiting to die.

Since I bought the DVD player we had to run by Media Play so I could buy a DVD. The extended version of the Fellowship of the Ring was on sale for $23.00 and I could not pass that up. The theatrical realease of the film was a great three-hour movie. The DVD version with new scenes and existing scenes with additional footage is a fucking kick ass 3 1/2 hour movie. You must see the cave troll battle scene in Moria on this DVD version. The additional footage of that scene makes the original version seem choppy and chaotic.

Wendell bought Spider Man and it really holds up to a second viewing. How it treats the origin of the hero and his discovery of his new powers could not be done any better.

It's now time to head to the main library and get more DVD's to watch. I got the fever, baby. I wonder if they make porno for DVD's?

Thursday, December 19, 2002

Writes SF and non-fiction too

Science fiction writer David Brin discusses the Lord of the Rings. David Brin is a darn good writer of SF and I respect his opinions when he lays them down in the occasional non-fiction piece. Last year I tried to interview him through email for a project for library school but he wouldn't do it. I wanted his opinion about the future of writing. I kind of got the impression that he thought I wanted him to write my paper but all I really wanted was a sentence or two. I thought it would be neat to have a short quote from a know SF writer. Oh well, it never hurts to ask.

Speaking of Lord of Rings, I went to see the Two Towers last night. I think Roger Ebert has written the most insightful review of the movie. That means I agree with it. He always does a good job reviewing SF and fantasy movies since he is a SF and fantasy reader. I didn't know that until fairly recently. Since he has a knowledge of the genre he is capable of viewing a film as a movie and then discuss whether or not it works as science fiction. He's also a hell of a good writer. I may be wrong but I believe he may be the only film reviewer to have won a Pulitzer.

I don't want to go into Uber-geekdom but I had real issues with The Two Towers. There were unecessary plot discretions in order to enlarge the part of Liv Tyler and the character of Faramir was completely destroyed and was shown to be as weak as his brother, Boromir, instead of stronger and nobler as he was in the books. As in the first movie, time was compressed (which I guess cannot be helped) and the role of the Ents was minimized and they are not shown to be as old and wise as in the books. The character of Treebeard really gets the shaft. He's the oldest creature on the earth and he is given no personality at all. It may have been better to have left the ents out. Also the roles of the two hobbits, Merry and Pippin, were decimated as they end up as merely ent motivators. Gimli the dwarf comes within a pubic hair of Jar Jar Binksdom when he is used too frequently as comic relief.

Sure, sure, but what about the Battle of Helms Deep? 60 minutes of pure action that will blow your fucking socks off.

The best scene in the movie takes place when the CGI Gollum has a vocalized dialogue between both his personalities. Gollum is what the ring has twisted him into and Smeagol is who he once was. As in the first film with Frodo's encounter with Bilbo in Rivendale, it's one of those great moments where the immeasurable personal sacrifice of Frodo the ring bearer is shown. I am impressed by how the moviemakers do not shy away from the fact that Bilbo is giving up his inner essence to save the world. It's easier to die than it is to continue suffering.

I may not have come away as satisfied with this movie as I was with the first but the books and the movies combined have caused me to think so it's a worthwhile project.
You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows

Ok, so our Democratic Senator, John Edwards, gave a speech at some place called the Brookings Institute. According to their website the Brookings Institute is "an independent, nonpartisan organization devoted to research, analysis, education, and publication focused on public policy issues in the areas of economics, foreign policy, and governance." Does that even mean anything?

John Edwards has been testing the waters for a run at the presidency. I think this speech will probably be a big part of his platform. He was addressng homeland security. I went ahead and read it until it got repetitive which, surprisingly, didn't happen until page seven of the ten page speech. I skimmed the rest so that counts as reading it. Simply put, he thinks President Bush's administration is not doing a good job protecting the American people and that they are chipping away at our freedoms. Fair enough, I am not going to debate that.

What bugs me is that he never addressed the issue of why there is so much hate for the United States government out there. His attitude and the attitude of the politicians at the national level toward this is the same as Bush's stance in regards to global warming, work around it. Agreeing that we are hated and that the solution is to protect targets and people while efficiently monitoring possible dangers does not address why those dangers exist. It appears that the national party line completely aggrees with the statement Bush made in front of congress after the attacks when he said they hated us for our freedoms. I find it frustrating that such an obvious falsehood is not even questioned in Washington. It will be comical if Edwards wins the presidential nomination for the Democratic party and he and Bush appear on televised debates agreeing that terrorism is a threat and arguing whose plan his better. You know neither one of them will discuss American military instrusions, corporate audacity and our importation of our sick culture worldwide. It'll be another wrestle for the middle. How exciting. Didn't Gore and Bush have an equalling enthralling debate on healthcare and education during the last election?

Here is a quote from an executive at Hasbro which I think highlights quite well the corporate attitude that helps create anti-americanism throughout the world: ''It's part of our core-brand expansion strategy,'' said Jane Ritson-Parsons, president of Hasbro Properties Group. ''What we're looking to do is really expand our brands within the world of the consumer, within every part of their lives."

Martin's Ass

According to Martin, his ass hurts from sitting all day. What in the hell was he sitting on? I will leave that to your imagination.

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

stadiums of the damned

I have been hearing and reading that there is a big debate as to what should be built on the site of the former World Trade Center. All of the plans that I viewed on the CNN website were so grandiose that they seemed to be attempting to overshadow the tragedy of 3000 dead. I am sure on of these towers, or, more accurately, groups of towers will be built. I am also positive that these buildings will fill with tenants as the financial world joins together to defy world terrorism by renting plush Manhattan office space.

Perhaps it might be best if they were to erect on that site a structure as unsitely as the destroyed World Trade Center. Something that could commemorate how the towers stood largely empty for the first few years of their existence. Something that would symbolize the pointlessness of three thousand innocents slaughtered. Of course I am referring to an NBA stadium. Erect an NBA stadium on the WTC site. Nothing else could better simultaneously represent the horror of that day and the empty financial world that thrived there.

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

How not to deal with the homeless

A couple of weeks back one of the delightful homeless fucks that populate the library all day every day threatened me, called me terrible names and I had security toss his dumb ass oughtta here. I think I may have talked about on the ole blog. He called me a "homo queer boy" and a few other things that made less sense.

Today, at about 8:20, I am walking down the sidewalk to work with my headphones cranking out the new Waco Brothers CD and I see some scruffy homeless guy on one of the benches saying something to me. I think he is asking for some change so I pull one of my ear pieces off so I can hear the usual babble and then I realize it's my old buddy, the incoherent homophobe. I starts shouting at me, stuff like 'homo,' 'fag' and 'queer' and 'what are you looking at?' I don't know what caused me to do this but I looked at the guy and said 'go fuck yourself, dude.' He almost jumped out of the bench and he really got mad and started yelling. I probably shouldn't have said that but fuck him, I hate being intimidated. He's probably going to be waiting for me outside with a shank one of these days. If they find me dead in the street you know what happened. Avenge me, boy! Aveeeeenge Me!

Monday, December 16, 2002

For them that must obey authority

When you are on the floor here at the 'brary and you are out among the masses you have to wear a little red, white and gold metal pin that shows to the world that you is be and are a library employee. With this pin comes great authority. With that authority, also, comes great responsibility. You don't want to be an obsessive 'shusher.' You don't want the homeless guys to lose respect for you.

Just a few minutes ago, at the internet desk, I was looking as busy as possible and a few Hispanic fellas started having a little pow wow behind me. Not too loud at first but a couple more came over and it got just a little too loud. Not like teenage boys banging their pricks together but just a touch over the preferred hush library tone. I took a quick glance over my shoulder and they dispersed like a group of bikers confronted by a couple of policemen. A genial respect of limited authority but not looking for an argument either. Respect the pin, you sons a bitches.

Saturday, December 14, 2002

Yes, the comic book and me, just us, we caught the bus

Chavez the Reticent once said that Moby Dick could answer all of life's questions. I am finding that to be true also with the lyrics of Bob Dylan. At least in regards to blog headlines.

ANYWAY, I have been reading a lot of graphic novels recently. Ok, comics bound together but still they're almost as thick as a short novel. One topic that tends to pop up a lot in comics and in science fiction is the notion that other universes, besides the one we inhabit, exist. I was a-reading somewhere, or I heard it on NPR, that at the quantum level anything is possible at all times and that there could literally be gazillions of universes with different realities out there. Also such things like a choo choo train appearing in orbit around Venus are possible at the quantum level, just not very likely. DC comics was right? Bizarro World and Earth 2. Who knew? I can't wait until we can tap into this SF stuff in real life like in the Heinlein Book Number of the Beast. I want to visit an earth-like world where English is spelled fonetikly and I am the
epitome of manhood. I just find it fascinating that the universe got stranger as we looked inward not by us traveling outward. I think I may have stolen that from the article/radioshow.

Speaking of comics and alternate worlds and shit, I noticed in my comic book reading over the years that if you read a comic series from a certain period of time and then read something featuring the same character from a different title and different time period that it seems like you are reading a completely different interpretation of the character. To me this is most noticeable in the Batman character. After fifty years it's impossible to combine all the stories into one fluid timeline. There have been stories of batman at different ages in his own personal timeline portrayed in different time periods of our society. This fluidity of character is what I find is the strenght of a comic book character. There have been dozens of incarnations of Batman, some I have like better than others but they all share the same template and it is up to those creating the art and story to successfully flesh out that template. This is not a new thought, it's just something I was thinking about last night while washing my nutsack.

A work revelation

It may not be a revelation but the thought occurred to me just now that we have been getting a type of call more frequently in the last year or so: people calling from their car for telephone numbers. We are directory assistance for mommies in their SUV's. We used to just be directory assistance for the illiterate. We're moving up.

Thursday, December 12, 2002


Found this at Fark. Careful, your brain will lock up on you.

Let's bitch about work

This has nothing to do with working in the information field, it's just me. Maybe thinking like this is why I gots to be a 'brarian. ANYWAY, I get calls from people who axe me what day it is and, amazingly, what time it is. I also get a lot of questions concerning the spellings and definitions of words. It drives me crazy that there are people out there that live without dictionaries and calendars. How do you live without a dictionary?!?!?!!?!? That ain't living that's sucking air in and out. Who's allowing these people to fuck? You know one thing these yucks do have? That's right, a television. Often this television is turned up so loud that you can hear it better than the person who called. I would like to be able to trace the call and notify a literacy task force that would go to their home, crash down their door, shoot that motherfucking loud-ass TV and hand them a pocket dictionary and an anthology of American literature.
You were always so close and still within reach

Throughout my library career I have been utilized for one thing: Heavy Equipment. When you work in an environment that is 90% chicks then when there is a box to be lifted or a book high on shelf to reach who do you think they call? That's right, the tall guy with long arms. I'm not complaining, it makes me feel strong and useful.

Just today, boss lady was looking for a yardstick to fish out some papers that had fallen behind her desk. I volunteered to reach them and did with a little grunting and balancing up on one leg while reaching behind the desk. As Dave Letterman used to say, "I have the strength of ten men." Ten men with polio but it's still ten men.

Testify, brother man!

I saw that today President Bush made an announced that Trent Lott may have not said the smartest thing when he made that comment about Strom Thurmon and his past nigra hatin' policies. Oops, wait a second, them guys were never anti-black they were just pro-white. Such a brave move by our president to come out say that racism is wrong. Quote "Every day our nation was segregated was a day that America was unfaithful to our founding ideals." Was segregated? When's the last time this guy drove through Royston, GA, Detroit, MI?

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

website recommendation again

Jesus, you drop off one piece of text when you are typing a URL and you can't get back in to edit your damn blog. ANYWAY, check out Landover Baptist. It's an Onion-like parody of a conservative church bulletin. Their goal: to make intolerance funny again. Careful you'll piss yourself laughing.
furnish me with tape

Last night I bought a six pack of beer and shut myself in my room with my guitar and my four track for a couple of hours. I was trying to lay down a track about something that happened recently and this was a good way of looking at it. I love my four track machine it's the coolest thing I have ever bought. I need to do what I did last night more often, minus the beer, of course. It's strange how when you are trying to create something that doesn't suck how compressed time gets, like when you are writing a paper for school or an essay for Michaelcosm or creating the god-awful noise that was emanating from my room last night. I took some time to lay down a single guitar track to 'sing' over and it felt like I had been working on it for hours when it had only been about 45 minutes. When you really concentrate and real effort is going into what you do your time sense goes right out the window. Sure beats watching Batman Forever.

You'll find God in the church of your choice

Website recommendation: I came across this Onion-like website that parodies a website for an

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

But they'll pinch themselves and squeal and know that it's for real the hour when the ship comes in

I may have mentioned that I have been reading a cool book by Gershom Gorenberg called The end of Days. It's about how right wing Christians nutjobs are working with right wing Israeli nutjobs to bring about the destruction of the Dome on the mount in Jerusalem so that they can erect a temple. The Christian wackos want the temple so Jesus will return and the temple will be desecrated by the antichrist who may also help erect the temple and the Israeli wackos want to erect the temple so that their redemption may begin and the messiah will come. Of course, those of the Islamic faith who control the mosque at the top of the mount would rather they were left alone. I hadn't realized until I started reading this book that there have been plots to blow up the Islamic buildings that currently stand there. Imagine the cataclysm that would start. Eyikes.

ANYWAY, the author used a great analogy in describing the mindset of those that believe the erecting of a building will start prophesied events. (Prophecy! who could put stock in the words of a soiled madman probably full of a magic mushrooms?) He spoke of the cargo cults that arose in the south Pacific during the time of European exploration during the 1800's. The islanders saw how supplies arrived on the huge sailing vessels and allowed the white folk to live a life of relative ease while the islanders had to build all their tools and luxuries. Naturally the islanders started building their own docks so that they may start recieving cargo ships also. Is that anything like putting on cologne hoping to get laid? Of course we all know that the temple is in your heart and the only way you can access is through study and prayer and natural mind altering drugs.

Monday, December 09, 2002

After my dreams are dreamed out

A word to the Nation: live out your dreams, baby. We're still looking for a bass player.

There's just as much danger in a football game

Yesterday me went to Panthers' football game with (three other dang bloggers!) James, Dutch and the world-famous Bookpimp. We watched the lowly Carolina Panthers pummel the shockingly even more lowly Cincinatti Bengals along with 20,000 other people with absolutely nothing to do on a cloudy and comfortably cool Sunday. Did I wear long underwear? Of course I did, you can never be too careful when you are sitting on a hard plastic seat outdoors during December. Even if it is the Carolinas it pays to be prepared. I was so prepared I took my jacket off until midway through the third quarter.

We got to see my favorite type of play twice: a punt returned for a touchdown. Since it was football (a sport that is actually better enjoyed via the tube) I found the punt returned for a touchdown to be anitclimatic. A nice long drive is better appreciated in person. A punt returned for a touchdown is premature ejaculation. It's so chaotic that you miss have of it. You see a guy catch a ball run into a crowd of 21 others and then emerge out the other side running like hell with one or two opponents diving after his heals.

We also witnessed a colossal hit. Now a nice hard hit where a player gets knocked out his shoes can be very much appreciated live. Nothing like it, especially when you can see it coming like this one. The Bengal quarterback, Kitna, threw a pass that left one of his receivers vulnerable and he just got flat laid out by one of our defensive backs. I swear I could hear from our seats in the second row of the second level. I believe it took place during the second minute of the second quarter around 2:22. People erupted with roars all around our section since it happaned right in front of us. It was such a blood thirsty cacophony that I started looking around for lions chasing Christians. Hoping for lions chasing Christians, praying to the Christian god for lions to be chasing Christians. No such luck, just over-sized men banging their skulls together on the football field. One of us summed up the hit best when he said "More of that, please."

The seats we had were fabulous. Close enough to see a good bit a of detail and just high to get a good overview of the action as it unfolded on the field. We were right at the 35 yard line and if play was taking place at the far end of the field it was hard to see much but with football that is just the way it goes, there is no way to see every angle with such a large field.

There was a fine specimen of modern American shallow feminimity on display at the game. She was a thin blonde lady with too much makeup, a lot of miles, collagen lips, freakishly disproportionate fake-ass boobies and toothpick like body with the ass of an anorexic. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I tried not to stare but there was just so much wrong with her and she was hot. Everything bad about how we view women was her motif and I still wanted to bang her. I guess it works or I just find white trash sexy. I think James called her Mrs. Rock Hill.

She was workin' in a topless place and I stopped in for a beer

A friend of mine came over Saturday to play a little guitar with me and Wendell. This friend, we'll call him Satan's Little Helper, was able to convince me along with much badgering from Chris and Wendell to venture out to a titty bar. We went to the old standby, Leather and Lace on South Blvd. It's full of skinny redneck chicks so it's not so bad.

I hadn't been out to a topless joint for over a year and I couldn't believe how young all the girls were. It was the first time I felt like a dirty old man in one of those places. I've felt sleazy before but never old and sleazy. I didn't like it. I always wondered why there were always a bunch of old fat guys in those places. Now I know, young girls, half naked. Who can say no? I can next time. Sure, it was fun, Super Wendell was flying high and Satan's Little Helper spent the last hour nodding off in a chair but I will pass on the next offer of a trip to the titty bar. You might as well take all your money, pile it in the street and urinate on for all the good the spending you do in one of those places does you. Sure was fun though.

I couldn't help notice that they were playing a lot of contemporary bad music. That loud noisy shit that all sounds the same. What's it called, hardcore? Whatever it is, it is hardcore crap. I wasn't prepared for that. I didn't want contemporary hate. I wanted nostaligic hate. I wanted to hear classic titty bar fare like 'Wild Thing' by Tone Loc and 'Girls Girl Girls' by Motley Crue. Old school crap music not this dull-edged new stuff.

Friday, December 06, 2002

Like Judas of old, You lie and deceive, A world war can be won, You want me to believe

She's scared and so am I.

SENOR (Tales of Yankee Power)

I am the only person I know, other than my roommate, that didn't lose power during this horrible, terrible, gruesome, awesome and icy ice storm. I guess the other night was the only time you would ever have any kind of an advantage living in one of those developments where all the trees have been cut down. 'Hey, we might bake like mudpies in the summer but during ice storms we don't get no damage from falling branches!'

You know how when they nave a new developement they name it after what they destroyed. It's an old joke. You find a development called 'Beautiful Ancient Oaks Acres' you can be sure that they knocked down several acres of oaks in order to construct cookie-cutter homes. Delving into why you would desire to live in a treeless housing area full of $500,000 houses that give you as much privacy as an apartment due to the tiny lots is a subject for a much longer blog entry than this. I was wondering why they don't use such a naming technique when they put in high density development in parts of town that were once shitty. There is a new condo/office building on South Blvd near downtown. It has a meaningless fictional name, why not call it 'Bum Puke on a Dumpster Manor?' 'Toothless Transvestite Hooker Shopping Center?' 'Wino with Shit-Filled Trousers Mall?' It would help add local color to all these red brick buildings popping up all over town.

Thursday, December 05, 2002

Nightmare on Beatties Ford Road Street

Yesterday we got to go home early from work because the weather was all bad nasty, yo. Rain, sleet and snow. I spare you the usual yankee shit about how despicable it is that a little snow shuts down the city but it does. I think it's a good thing, us going home for a snow day. Snow days rock. It's like a free Sunday. A free Sunday, for christ sakes. A Sunday without a church obligation for you losers that go to church. Bonus, free, a little extra something in your stocking, go directly to 'Go' and collect $200, buy a six pack and watch local news. I love watching the local news coverage of any sort of inclement weather we get around here. I really do understand that you can't justify purchasing enough road clearing machinery to be effective in true winter weather for a total of 5 days of actual winter weather over a season. So it's cool the city shuts down and shitty local news fires up. I love it when they send one of these idiots to an overpass over I-77 and he says things like, 'traffic is really slow,' 'traffic is real light due to the wintry conditions,' 'the state transportation department has recommended that you do not leave your house and, if you must, drive slowly and safely,' yadda yadda yadda. While the usual spiel is going on the camer pans to a nearly empty interstate populated by just a few cars moving carefully through the yellow dusk of street lights. Now that's news, baby.

I had a job interview scheduled for today. OK, so I get up early and catch a ride from my upstairs neighbor on his way to work and I get to the downtown transit center bus station transportation hub city bus leaving area place. I catch the #7 Beatties Ford Rd bus that takes me to a connector shuttle that will drop me off in front of the branch where I gots an interview. Getting to the spot where I need to catch the connector is no problem. In fact the ride is interesting in that I can get a good eyeful of all the downed trees along the route. Pretty cool. Ice covered trees are beautiful as long as they aren't falling on your car, house or child. While waiting for the connector I chatted with a fellow Michigander from Detroit. He commented on how the trees up there didn't get pulverized so badly when an ice storm hit. He thought it was because the trees here were weak. My theory was that they didn't ice up as consistently down here so the destruction was more apparent when a freeze hit. He agreed. I thought about it after he caught another bus. I now think he is right, North Carolina trees are pussies.

After almost an hour of waiting a young lady who was catching the same route came by and asked me if it had arrived yet. I said no and after a few more minutes she got concerned and called the bus system. Turns out that the route we both need is not running. Now I spend the next fifteen minutes looking for a phone to call and cancel my interview. The security at the closed Health department building lets me in to call. It's not quite noon and the library hasn't opened yet. I can't get through. I catch the next #7, which runs at a nice consistent every fifteen minutes, back to the transit center. I walk up to the Hilton and call the person who would be interviewing me and ask to reschedule. He seems happy to do so. In fact he seemed surprised that I actually tried to get there. I guess that makes me look good which is all an interview really is for.

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Well, you're so bad and nasty

Excuse me, miss, what was that you wanted again?

OK, so that was a cheap cheap joke at someone else's expense but that's just the way I do things. You can't live on only self effacement.

The windows are filled with frost

Martino was kind enough to hook me up with Windows2000 last night. After seven or eight hours of a mind numbing installation process it seemed to work. After getting online it was apparent that the video was fucked up and only operating on the 16 color vega setting. It's pointless to view porno in 16 colors. It turns out that the video card is old and is not supported by windows2000. I was trying to install some software to fix the problem, hit a wrong button and...kaplooey...the computer goes into a restart loop. Only on a computer is it possible to work for 16 hours and accomplish nothing. I don't know of any other endeavor where an error can pretty much cancel out any positive progress you may have made. If you are building a house and you fuck up erecting the walls and have to take them down, you still have the foundation in place. If you are baking a cake and doesn't rise correctly you at least ate some batter and you can fuck the still-warm unedible cake. If you are digging a ditch and you dig it in the wrong spot, you got some excercise. If you are answering a reference question and can't find what the person wants you can usually steer them in the right direction. If you fuck up installing a windows operating system there is nothing to fall back on, just a blank screen and your rage. The only way to alleviate your rage is to watch that scene in the Southpark movie where Bill Gates is executed.

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Giving Batman his dues

Since I just read Batman's blog for the first time today I figured I would list a few songs I would love to hear Johnny Cash sing:

10. Granville's Pants (High so High) by the Bunker Brothers
9. Black Holes and Quasars by Deanna Lynn
8. Creep in the Cellar by the Butthole Surfers
7. Little Room by the White Stripes
6. Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
5. London Calling by the Clash
4. Small Change by Tom Waits
3. Suffragette City by David Bowie
2. I wanna be your dog by the Stooges
1. Jesus Built my Hotrod by Ministry
We'll sing this song all night long

While dicking around on my geetar the other night I came across a chord progression and a chorus that will be the perfect new Bunker Brothers' song. It'll be a classic up there with Granville's Pants and Evil Antique Lady. This song is called 'Wendell is a Pussy.' All we need to do now is to have Chris run through the vocals again while listening to the music instead of racing it and I will add a hot solo and we might need to tack on some extra back up vocals and voile, master-fucking-piece. I think this song needs Martin, I really do. That'll shake up the music world, baby.

Friday night the boys and I went to Mojo's to see the good reverend David Childers. He rocked the house, as usual. If you have never seen David Childers, who is a local musician and plays in Charlotte all the fucking time, then you are missing a world-class performer who pours more soul into one song than you can hear on an hour of commercial radio. Of course there's almost as much soul in 'Wendell is a Pussy' as there is in an hour of commercial radio but I think my point has been made.

One of the highlights of Friday evening was hanging out with the band out back of the club by the dumpster. Nothing says 'rock and roll show' like chilling with musicians by a dumpster on a cold-ass windy night.

All giving me the eye

Diana and I went to lunch yesterday. I counted three seperate times that a woman, not some homeless pig, but a real professional woman with a job and clean pits, looked me in the eye with unbridalled lust. Now, if I had been strolling down the street alone, each of these women not only would not have looked at me with such obvious animal lust but they would have tried to poke out my eyes with their eyeliner brushes. What is it with womenfolk that they eye the guy with a lady by his side? I need to find a lesbian that wants to hang out and go to get coffee, lunch and go see live music. I will have to fight the chicks off then, baby.

Listened to on duh bus: Asleep in the Back by Elbow.
Read on duh bus: End of Days by Gershom Gorenberg.
We'll sing this song all night long

While strumming my geetar the other night I had a brainstorm and came up with the chords and the chorus for the nex Bunker Brothers' song. It's going to be a huge hit along the lines of