Wednesday, November 27, 2002

All of us, at times, we might work too hard just want to go home. Not only is tomorrow a holiday so I need to get home right away and hide but tomorrow will also be the first day of a four-day weekend. Oh man, my feet are in the starting blocks and I am waiting for the gun and it's not even 11 yet. Soon I will be bouncing my skull off the desk in front of me. I wish Tom was still in telref so I could throw something at him. No one here now is any fun to throw stuff at.

Scene: Tom and Ed sitting in telref contemplating suicide. Ed finishes his seventh Mountain Dew of the day and pulls his arm back in an attempt to bounce the empty 20 ounce bottle off the back wall. Why? Don't ask why, that's just the way things work in telref.

The bottle slips in Ed's hand as he releases it and instead of bouncing noisily off the back wall it hits Tom in his right temple with a thud reminiscent of the sound you hear on television when a major league baseball player takes a pitched ball to his head. The bottle thuds silently to the floor. A red disquiet floods the room.

Ed is horrified and starts to giggle.

Ed: (snorts) I'm sorry...that....that''s not funny. (stifles laugh) I'm sorry...(laughs)'s not funny...(laughs)...I really am sorry...I was trying to bounce it off the wall.

Tom: (a red welt forming on his right temple, appears mad but is generally reconciled to the chaos he and Ed create in telref) You're lucky we're cool or we'd have a problem right now.

Another dumb thing I have done: When I first got the fuck out of the marines in the summer of 1990 and joined my parents here in Charlotte. I spent a month or so working with my dad at Hendrick Lexus washing and detailing cars. After four years of the marines I was looking for something that required less effort than that. Finally I found a job at a convenience store near where I lived. Hey, free smokes!

One day, bored at work (imagine that!) I decided to wrap paper and masking tape around small rock. When it got to about the size of a ball that is bigger than a baseall but smaller than a softball (I guess that would be an orange) I threw it across the store. I underestimated the mass of the object and it really soared. It crashed into one of the glass doors of the beer cooler. My projectile pierced the first pane of the double-paned door. A very similar red disquiet filled the empty store as I digested what had just happened. I tried to think of a good excuse to tell my boss when he inevitably discovered the hole in the door. My solution: "Some guy shut the door too hard and the glass shattered." I'm pretty sure no one believed me but I wasn't questioned about it which is all I really wanted.

No comments: